Hi!
So i am graduating as you can see and it is exciting but nerve-racking. I am not completely sure what to expect of it. I am ready but at the same time not. I have so many emotions about graduating that i am so completely indifferent I am not totally sure if i am ready to actually take on this part of life. I just wanted to blog about since i only have 24 days til the BIG day. I cannot believe I am old enough and I made it this far! :) It is really scary! I did hear a couple of words of encouragement yesterday from an alumni and it was good to hear from his mouth to stop worrying and to embrace it. To actually let God deal with the issue and let Him guide you in your endeavors. Don't worry! It'll be ok! :) I think mainly it was from a guy i admire and look up to that i see the world as not so big or or not so hard to deal with. Its sad when we start to listen more to the world around us than to our Creator!
God i thank you so much for loving me first and never letting go! You are nothing but short of incredible or amazing or crazy cool! I am excited to know you even more every day of my life!!
Monday, April 18
Saturday, April 2
Down with shame!
Hi!So i am actually at work in the student center at my college. I was doing some homework and decided to do some reading for my class next week! Woot, woot! But no really it was good, the chapter was on shame. As i was reading it, i began to realize that have let something other than God rule my life. Shame was the center but i would not look at it and realize that shame was the number one idea that was stuck in my head forever. I could not believe how much I was letting shame over take my life and keep me from experiencing God's love and hand in my life. I really keep myself away from anything i thought i was not very good at.
I was reading The Search for Significance, by Robert S. McGee, and this chapter anyswered a butt load of questions i had, amazingly! It was all i needed to hear, i felt like i am kind of free.....but here are some quotes about shame, i learned...Our self-image becomes no more than a reflection of our past....(a little change)....Both Jenna's past failures and God's unconditional love were realities, but the question was which one Jenna would value more.....Our past relationships, may involve the intense pain of neglect, abuse, and manipulation, but if we do not begin the process of healing we will be unable to experience the joy, challenge, and yes, the potential of failure in the present....(found this out today, i do not have great self-worth because of this) other believers who genuinely care for me and appreciate me, this idea has improved my sense of self-worth considerably. The reason this has opened my eyes to many things is because the reason I would not get very close to anyone is because I was shameful of myself, i had seen my mistakes and knew I would make more and did not want to create that idea in anyone's head. A couple of more quotes......My worth is secure in Him......Change is possible, but it is a process....Any change in our behavior requires a release from our old self-concept, which is often founded in failure and the expectations of others......we must begin to base our self-worth on God's opinion of us and trust in His Spirit.......by God's grace we can be freed from the guilt of our past and experience a renewed purpose for our lives. The chapter ends with different problems that are associated with shame, i briefly went over them and I have all of them. I am officially shamed of myself and hate that I have now just realized this. But knowing this now has really made me think and struggle with myself. I know that I will not need to worry about it and not focus on it either, but i now want to know where it came from and why i became shamed in the first place. I do know that Christ has made me who I am and that i am unique and loved. saved. by his grace and love, i could never forget that...He is my foundation, why because He did not let me take those pills, always told me that I am loved, answered my prayers, was never proved that He left in my life, Scriptures has stood the test of time and scrutinize in my life and has still become my solid foundation that has proven to me that I can become someone else and become who God wants me to grow up and be for His kingdom. I know i still have doubts but one day i will be able to say that God is my best friend and is in every part of my life without exceptions! So excited!!
Thanks for your time!
Enjoy your week!!
Love your sister in Christ!
I was reading The Search for Significance, by Robert S. McGee, and this chapter anyswered a butt load of questions i had, amazingly! It was all i needed to hear, i felt like i am kind of free.....but here are some quotes about shame, i learned...Our self-image becomes no more than a reflection of our past....(a little change)....Both Jenna's past failures and God's unconditional love were realities, but the question was which one Jenna would value more.....Our past relationships, may involve the intense pain of neglect, abuse, and manipulation, but if we do not begin the process of healing we will be unable to experience the joy, challenge, and yes, the potential of failure in the present....(found this out today, i do not have great self-worth because of this) other believers who genuinely care for me and appreciate me, this idea has improved my sense of self-worth considerably. The reason this has opened my eyes to many things is because the reason I would not get very close to anyone is because I was shameful of myself, i had seen my mistakes and knew I would make more and did not want to create that idea in anyone's head. A couple of more quotes......My worth is secure in Him......Change is possible, but it is a process....Any change in our behavior requires a release from our old self-concept, which is often founded in failure and the expectations of others......we must begin to base our self-worth on God's opinion of us and trust in His Spirit.......by God's grace we can be freed from the guilt of our past and experience a renewed purpose for our lives. The chapter ends with different problems that are associated with shame, i briefly went over them and I have all of them. I am officially shamed of myself and hate that I have now just realized this. But knowing this now has really made me think and struggle with myself. I know that I will not need to worry about it and not focus on it either, but i now want to know where it came from and why i became shamed in the first place. I do know that Christ has made me who I am and that i am unique and loved. saved. by his grace and love, i could never forget that...He is my foundation, why because He did not let me take those pills, always told me that I am loved, answered my prayers, was never proved that He left in my life, Scriptures has stood the test of time and scrutinize in my life and has still become my solid foundation that has proven to me that I can become someone else and become who God wants me to grow up and be for His kingdom. I know i still have doubts but one day i will be able to say that God is my best friend and is in every part of my life without exceptions! So excited!!
Thanks for your time!
Enjoy your week!!
Love your sister in Christ!
Sunday, March 27
First one......
So, today is Sunday well i usually go to church then eat lunch with friends. Afterward, i decide if i should take a nap or do homework. Well today is different, i woke up not in the mood, of course, to get out of a warm bed. And lazy was also factored into the situation. I realized how much i had really not listened and had been ignoring my time of healing with Christ the entire week. I felt I had replaced Him with friends and pastors. Which i had subconsciously done. I was focused on school and seemed too busy to actually talk to Him. Bad idea, so i decided to have an actual deal with God and devote majority of my entire day to Him. I also had other things to finish but to really dig deep into the Word. So, i started with looking up the sermons from my home church. The sermon being preached is always playing when the pastor is speaking, so i thought i could make it. Well i missed it so i went to podcast's to see if there was anything for me to actually listen to.
Just recently i have been writing my story and what has influenced it along with my core beliefs. So as i scanned the choices, i spotted the word adoption, if you know me you know i am adopted from South Korea and I am completely a southern American. I love southern food and all its goodness. No cutting corners is how i see it. I love southern hospitality too. Any who, being adopted, the more i look at my life, resonates throughout all my choices and my core beliefs. being adopted and not realizing your identity in Christ is hard to find and hard to grasp but i know He has me on that trail to find myself in Him.
Today was not just another "mountain top" experience. It became real to me while reading and listening to both my pastors talk about Ephesians 1:3-19. I belong to Him.
For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be ADOPTED as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves.
I realized how deep the adoption went, i finally broke that wall that said, "How can i belong to Christ when I am adopted and completely different and my earthly father gave me away." Being adopted has effected me more than i thought it would or had done. I still viewed Christ as a person that might just leave me alone without an explanation. I now understand how much He has already accepted me without my own ideas or thoughts in the way. I have let many lies turn me in the opposite way of thinking of who i am and who i really belong to. I have always felt the need to belong but i had no idea where exactly i needed to belong. I knew, in my head, that i was God's child but it never clicked, in the heart, that He is who i belong to. I have been listening to music and a lot of the songs have helped a lot of things open up doorways and windows in my life. Also, again, how much adoption has effected me without me not knowing. I dont know, i feel i have just found some of the depths of me being adopted and the effects of the situation. But i know that the Lord has me in His arms all the time and there is no question about His love and idea of choosing me through adoption and being one of His servants.
Until next time......
Enjoy your week!
Love in Christ
Jenna :)
Just recently i have been writing my story and what has influenced it along with my core beliefs. So as i scanned the choices, i spotted the word adoption, if you know me you know i am adopted from South Korea and I am completely a southern American. I love southern food and all its goodness. No cutting corners is how i see it. I love southern hospitality too. Any who, being adopted, the more i look at my life, resonates throughout all my choices and my core beliefs. being adopted and not realizing your identity in Christ is hard to find and hard to grasp but i know He has me on that trail to find myself in Him.
Today was not just another "mountain top" experience. It became real to me while reading and listening to both my pastors talk about Ephesians 1:3-19. I belong to Him.
For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be ADOPTED as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves.
I realized how deep the adoption went, i finally broke that wall that said, "How can i belong to Christ when I am adopted and completely different and my earthly father gave me away." Being adopted has effected me more than i thought it would or had done. I still viewed Christ as a person that might just leave me alone without an explanation. I now understand how much He has already accepted me without my own ideas or thoughts in the way. I have let many lies turn me in the opposite way of thinking of who i am and who i really belong to. I have always felt the need to belong but i had no idea where exactly i needed to belong. I knew, in my head, that i was God's child but it never clicked, in the heart, that He is who i belong to. I have been listening to music and a lot of the songs have helped a lot of things open up doorways and windows in my life. Also, again, how much adoption has effected me without me not knowing. I dont know, i feel i have just found some of the depths of me being adopted and the effects of the situation. But i know that the Lord has me in His arms all the time and there is no question about His love and idea of choosing me through adoption and being one of His servants.
Until next time......
Enjoy your week!
Love in Christ
Jenna :)
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